Posted by: Toni Sprandel | January 31, 2013

Reflections

Well, it has been almost a week since I received the phone call I never wanted to receive.  I was shocked initially, not believing my mom, as she told me that dad was gone.  My mind went blank, I know I stopped in my tracks.  I shouldn’t have been surprised.  We have been on a roller coaster ride for the past 8 months, it shouldn’t have been unexpected.  But the reality is, I was not ready for it.

My mind went back 2 days;  I had just hugged him, I had just given him a kiss, I had just brought him his favorite lunch (bob evans sausage gravy & biscuits), I had watched him walk 800 ft.  He was doing so well, and he was adamant, he was going ‘HOME’ on Saturday.  The Dr’s cautioned him, they said they would make no promises, they would see.  He told them stubbornly, he WAS going HOME on Saturday. And he did, just not to the HOME we thought he was talking about.

He woke in a great mood, went to the dining room for breakfast, came back to his room and told them he was going to rest in bed.  They tried to take his shoes off but he stopped them, he said therapy would be there soon, he wanted to be ready.  And with that, he layed down on the bed, and he went to “sleep”.  And it was a beautiful, peaceful quiet sleep, where he slipped out of the Laurels, and he went “Home”.  The LORD Jesus came and fulfilled my dad’s wish, he went HOME on Saturday, just like he said he would.

I was sad that he died, but I was glad he was home.  And that is kind of how the days went.  The happy, the sad, the joy, the sorrow, the whole range of human emotions, I seemed to experience them all.  But the thought that Dad would no longer “be” there, physically, was the toughest thing for me.  I couldn’t leave his side during the calling hours and it was so hard for me to leave the cemetary.  The thought of our family going back to the church for the memorial service and meal, without him, was heartbreaking.

Dad had always been there.  We had never had a family gathering that he wasn’t there.  I didn’t want to leave the cemetary and know he was not coming with us.  Our family celebrations would now be without him, and the first one, was just an hour away.  Being 60 years old, I have never been to a function in our family that he had not been there.  This was hard.

But, as our mom shared with us on the ride back to the church, we each have a part of our dad with us.  Whether it is his smiling face, practical jokester tendencies, his humble character or our resemblance to him, we each carry a piece of our father with us.  So he is not really back there in that field, he is here in my heart, with me forever.  And dad, someday I will see you and be with you again.  Praise the LORD!

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Responses

  1. Beautiful sentiments Toni! Your faith and family will be your strengh! Your memories will make. You smile and sometimes cry! Knowing your Dad is “Home” watching over you all until you meet again will give you peace!

    • You are right! And I know there will be good days and bad days. Thank you for your encouraging words!

  2. Toni, I know what you are feeling right now. When I lost my Mom in September, she knew she was going “Home” and she was more than
    ready. The only thing she wanted was to see her children, grandchildren,
    and great-grandchildren before she did. She was so happy to see all of
    us and died so peacefully and was so ready to go. What a blessing to
    know for certain where they are and that someday we will see them
    again.

    • Thank you for your encouragement. I am just sooo glad I was able to be there 2 days before he died. I have wonderful memories from those days. Will you be in Fl in May? Our trial has been reschd for May 6-13. It will be in St Petersburg. If so I hope we can get together.

  3. That would be so nice…we are only 30 min. from there, but we leave end of
    March:( We will be praying for you!!!


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